I admit openly that I’ve been wallowing a bit this past week. Okay, wallowing a lot. I generally try not to wallow over things but….
It may be rather clear to those of you who’ve read my previous post as to the cause of said wallowing. And those of you who’ve made the connection would, I hope, agree that I’ve got the right to wallow a bit just now.
However, I don’t like wallowing, and I need to figure out how to stop.
Motivation is a tricky thing in all things literary. I had ample motivation to sit at the computer and write for the first month or so of summer vacation, just not the physical stamina to do so for long enough periods of time. Now I’ve got the stamina and no motivation. I did manage to plunk out the first scene in Chapter 42 (after having gone back to the original version of that scene, which I think I wrote when I was about fifteen or sixteen, and almost gagging with the immaturity of it) and it turned out to be pretty decent. Unfortunately, due to the wallowing, all I want to do right now is skip around and write all the sad scenes that are left and save the happy scenes for when I’m done wallowing.
But that’s not really how I write. I’ve been known in the past to scribble out a future scene (admittedly during high school study halls, in boring college lecture hall classes when I was supposed to be taking notes, waiting for a connecting flight at the airport….) but I don’t write by jumping around. Though I have everything outlined, I still have to write in a linear fashion because too much skipping around can lead, in my experience at least, to plot inconsistencies and inaccuracies. So I’m stuck plodding through the happy scenes I have no motivation to write.
Motivation is necessary in life, too. My husband and I had the most powerful motivation in the world to finish our indoor construction/remodeling projects, but now some of those things have really fallen by the wayside. My husband, in fact, actually threw out the “Things To Do Before _____” list, citing that we can make a new list. When we get new motivation?
My wallowing has severely damaged my motivation for life right now. Just about the only thing that’s got me up moving around today is the fact that we’re going to Disney World tomorrow, and somebody needs to pack.
I made a decision yesterday, however, about motivation and my life.
I’m going to lose five pounds.
For someone who loves to cook and bake (and eat), that is no small thing.
I don’t necessarily need to lose five pounds – I’m within the healthy weight range for my age and height – but I should lose five pounds. I think I’d feel better all around if I did. Losing five pounds would put me back where I was on my wedding day and, shallow as it sounds, I felt really pretty and amazing on my wedding day.
What it will take, however, to get me to lose five pounds is another matter of motivation entirely.