A year ago, I broke my silence about a very difficult event in my life, an event I still struggle to incorporate into my day to day being. I am one of the “one in four” women who have suffered a miscarriage. In fact, I have suffered two miscarriages, the second of which occurred this past March about a week after finding out about my pregnancy. If everything had gone as it should, I would be about six weeks away from welcoming my second baby into the world while wrangling an 18 month old. But unfortunately, things did not go as they should.
It has been incredibly difficult. Recurrent miscarriage is a medical condition and is considered a form of infertility. After a battery of tests and infertility treatments, there’s no concrete reasons that point to why it’s so hard for me to conceive and why I cannot hold a pregnancy if I do conceive. In the meantime, I struggle to put on a smile when friends share the happy news about their own babies-on-the-way. My joy for them is always a little dimmed by the knowledge that I will never hold my own babies. At least not in this world.
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and there are dozens of resources out there for parents who have experienced miscarriage or infant loss, as well as family and friends of those individuals who wish to provide support. (Unfortunately, the excellent site I shared last year, I Am The Face, seems to have been hacked and is no longer accessible.) There are also many ways you can remember and recognize your baby, including today’s “Wave of Light”, wherein you light a candle at 7pm in your local time zone and let it remain lit for an hour.
I encourage anyone who has experienced a loss to find information, find support, and be open about your grief. We do not need to grieve alone, and we shouldn’t be forced to grieve in silence.
After I lost my first baby in August 2011, I wrote the following poem as a way to help me cope. After losing my second baby in March of this year, I revised the poem to reflect the two angels waiting for me in Heaven. I know not everyone has the same religious beliefs or faith that I have, but I hope this may give comfort to others as it has given me.
Blessed Mary, take my babies,
hold them if they cry,
and kiss them as they fall asleep
to angel lullabies.
String the stars above the cradles
where you lay them down at night
so I can find my angel babies
among that Heavenly light.
Mary, tell my babies dear
how much I miss them so.
I know your love will be as mine,
the only love they’ll know.
Tell my babies all about me,
and about their father too,
so when we come to Heaven’s gates
they’ll know to lead us through.
Sweet Mary, tell my angels
I’ll think of them each day;
No matter who comes into my life,
my love for them won’t fade away.
Teach my babies to spread their wings
and bravely soar the skies,
and please tuck them in at night
with angel lullabies.
I’m not sure what the original source of the image is, what it’s title is or who the artist is. And I’ve been searching. If anyone knows, please let me know so I can give proper attribution!