Angel Lullabies

A year ago, I broke my silence about a very difficult event in my life, an event I still struggle to incorporate into my day to day being. I am one of the “one in four” women who have suffered a miscarriage. In fact, I have suffered two miscarriages, the second of which occurred this past March about a week after finding out about my pregnancy. If everything had gone as it should, I would be about six weeks away from welcoming my second baby into the world while wrangling an 18 month old. But unfortunately, things did not go as they should.

It has been incredibly difficult. Recurrent miscarriage is a medical condition and is considered a form of infertility. After a battery of tests and infertility treatments, there’s no concrete reasons that point to why it’s so hard for me to conceive and why I cannot hold a pregnancy if I do conceive. In the meantime, I struggle to put on a smile when friends share the happy news about their own babies-on-the-way. My joy for them is always a little dimmed by the knowledge that I will never hold my own babies. At least not in this world.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and there are dozens of resources out there for parents who have experienced miscarriage or infant loss, as well as family and friends of those individuals who wish to provide support. (Unfortunately, the excellent site I shared last year, I Am The Face, seems to have been hacked and is no longer accessible.) There are also many ways you can remember and recognize your baby, including today’s “Wave of Light”, wherein you light a candle at 7pm in your local time zone and let it remain lit for an hour.

I encourage anyone who has experienced a loss to find information, find support, and be open about your grief. We do not need to grieve alone, and we shouldn’t be forced to grieve in silence.

After I lost my first baby in August 2011, I wrote the following poem as a way to help me cope. After losing my second baby in March of this year, I revised the poem to reflect the two angels waiting for me in Heaven. I know not everyone has the same religious beliefs or faith that I have, but I hope this may give comfort to others as it has given me.



Angel Lullabies

Blessed Mary, take my babies,
hold them if they cry,
and kiss them as they fall asleep
to angel lullabies.

String the stars above the cradles
where you lay them down at night
so I can find my angel babies
among that Heavenly light.

Mary, tell my babies dear
how much I miss them so.
I know your love will be as mine,
the only love they’ll know.

Tell my babies all about me,
and about their father too,
so when we come to Heaven’s gates
they’ll know to lead us through.

Sweet Mary, tell my angels
I’ll think of them each day;
No matter who comes into my life,
my love for them won’t fade away.

Teach my babies to spread their wings
and bravely soar the skies,
and please tuck them in at night
with angel lullabies.

Virgin Mary

I’m not sure what the original source of the image is, what it’s title is or who the artist is. And I’ve been searching. If anyone knows, please let me know so I can give proper attribution!

A Picture of You

A Picture of You

I do not have a picture of you
So there are many things I wonder.
Are you sugar and spice
Or puppy dog tails?
How fine is your hair?
Is it dark or light?
Do you have my changeable hazel eyes,
Or his beautiful blues?
Does your smile mirror mine?
How tiny are your ears?
Did you get his dimples
Or my widow’s peak?
It’s silly, but I pray you have his nose,
Not mine.

I cannot have a picture of you,
But there are many things I know for sure.
You are a rosy-cheeked cherub.
You have ten perfect fingers
And ten perfect toes.
Your laughter rings with the joy of angels,
And your tears would wring my heart.
You would know my voice,
And his,
And would reach for us with your chubby arms
Because you know we love you.
When you sleep, you are a doll.
When you’re awake, you are all the things
We dreamed of.

There will be no picture of you,
Not today, nor throughout the years.
We will never know the things you’ll love,
The accomplishments you’ll reach.
Will you love music,
Or sports,
Or both?
When you color, do you think your work
Equal to that of Monet, Picasso, Van Gogh?
(And will you find our walls the perfect canvas?)
What shapes will you make
When you help me make biscottis?
How will your eyes sparkle
The first time you realize how beautiful
Our Christmas tree is?
Will you be afraid of Santa?
Are you as fond of sweets as I am?
You come by it honestly if you do –
Just ask your great-grampas.
What subjects will hook you in school?
Would you be bored when I drag you
To forts and battlefields,
Or will you find it as interesting as I do?
Will you help him plant tomatoes and beans
And flowers in the garden?
Will you want your own pair of binoculars
So you can watch the birds at the feeders with him?
He likes to fish – would you have wanted to learn?
Will you struggle for every passing grade
Or will you be at the top of your graduating class?
What ambitions will you hold?
Whatever you do, I would love you and be proud,
And always do my best to guide you.

The questions about things I know
And the things I’ll never know,
Would have been answered today
And every day after.
But I’ll never have a picture of you
Except the one in my heart.
But maybe that’s the truest picture
I could ever have of you.

Honor Them

They are the line
Between freedom and tyranny
They are husbands, brothers, sons, fathers
Wives, sisters, daughters, mothers
And heroes

They walk among us
And ask little in return
For all they do for us

They have camped under the stars
In rain, in mud, in snow, in heat
Hungry and thirsty
Tired and footsore
Homesick and lonely

But they have continued
And willingly risked all
And sometimes gave all
To protect our freedom
And the freedom of others
From tyranny and oppression

They have stood proud and unwavering
When we have been threatened
They have answered a call
And served with integrity
And stirred our pride in their fortitude

And though some belittle them
And have forgotten
The tasks they have undertaken
The injuries they have sustained
The hardships they have endured
The blood they have shed
For us and our continued liberty
In defense of our country
Our flag
Our Constitution
We must remember
And we must honor them

For theirs is the greatest undertaking
As they make safe our cities
Our states, our nation
So that we may sleep soundly in our beds
And break bread in peace around our tables
And carry on the business of our lives
Without oppression and fear

They are our veterans
And we do well
To remember them
And honor them
As we do all those
Who have gone before
In the name of freedom